Addicted

Addicted

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I have, what one would refer to, as an addictive personality. Now, I know what your first thought upon reading that line was: ‘drugs’. That is correct, but that is only one addiction in, what I have only recently realized, is a list that spans almost 4 decades.
Looking back over my life, I can now see clearly.  I have pretty much been addicted to almost EVERYTHING I enjoy, at some time or another. To list a few of my past addictions, they are things like- books, cleaning, running, money, shopping, my ex-boyfriend, playing bass, hair & make-up, food, dieting, etc., etc. Honestly, I could go on and on. Drugs, however, have been the addiction that completely altered my life. Until a few years into my 30’s, the only drug I had ever done, or even thought about doing, was weed. After high school I went to a few Grateful Dead shows with my boyfriend, and weed was everywhere. And I smoked a lot of it back then. The funny thing is, that even now after having done it all, weed still effects me more than any other substance. But what I really want to talk about are the ‘ friends’ that I (and I’m sure others as well), surrounded myself with during the heart of my addiction. I should first note that I am using the term ‘friends’ very loosely. In fact they are anything but. A better name for them would be liars or users. In fact, the ‘ friends’ that I kept were the exact opposite of what an actual, real friend is. They lie about everything, especially if they are supposed to share anything with you. Or if you are upset, trust me, they are only pretending to give a shit. OK. Once a week I get a check. It still blows my mind when I think back to how many ‘ friends’ I would have on the day I got paid. I’m ranting a bit, I know. I just really. wanted to put this out there for any one who might actually be a genuinely nice person, who may have fallen into the wrong scene, do not be fooled. I, myself, have learned the hard way. I allowed myself to be used for everything you can think of for years. Thankfully, I have separated myself from all if the ‘friends’ that used to surround me all of the time. It is a bit lonely now, at times, but i would rather be lonely than used.  If you are in this situation now, do everything you can to get out now. Don’t wait until you lose everything that matters to you, like I did, before you realize that you don’t matter to anyone in this lifestyle choice.  Addiction is not always unhealthy, but drugs are more than an addiction, they are a lifestyle. A lifestyle that ends in death, jail, or having nothing and no one. Take it from me, it is not worth it.   image

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