Riv, I am so proud of you for all you have done so far in life. College! Wow, time flies. I received your email telling me to “try”. I have already made, and will continue to make huge changes in my own life. I feel good about my future, and I am proud of all I have accomplished already. Just curious, but what would cause you to feel that I am not trying?
You truly have no idea how often I have tried to connect with you? See you? Talk to you? Rivers, I have spent years calling you, stopping by mom’s house, praying, and then praying some more. The day I lost you shattered my heart in indescribable ways, and it will not heal until I have you back in my life again. You spoke of a fear of abandonment and problems trusting people in a previous email. Please Rivers, just this once, please try to put yourself in my shoes.
At a time when I, myself, needed the love and support of family, every back was turned, even yours. If I was asked to name one thing that you had learned from me during your first 12 years with me, My answer would be love. I know that you know the love between a mother and son truly has no bounds, it is unconditional. I always have been, and always will be here for you. No matter what. There is nothing you could do that would cause me to turn my back on you. I love you. then, now, forever- No matter what.
I once shared my body with you. Your heart used to beat inside of me, along with my own heart — which probably sounds creepy and weird, but it’s an incredibly primal experience; and it’s a bond I had never felt with anyone, untill you.
Trust me, it is an amazing feeling to be that close to another. The process of letting you go is unfathomable to me, but I promise that I will try. I promise that I’ll let you leave, knowing that I did my best to prepare you for whatever you’ll experience.
Being away from you for the last few years has been heart wrenching as well as eye opening for me. I am so sorry that my choices have led us to this. I vividly remember the love and the bond we once shared with each other. The love is still there and i hope and pray that one day the bond between us will be even stronger than it was before. The years that I have missed are now gone. I don’t want to miss anymore moments that we should have experienced together. We can’t go back, only forward. I hope we can move forward together. If there is one thing i have learned from our time apart, it is how very important family really is. And that in order to remain a family, forgiveness is a necessity. Forgive me my dear son. Please.
Rivers, you are my family, you are the only person in this world that shares my blood, and you are by far my greatest accomplishment. All my love,
Posted by Fran Stone using “WordPress” for Android.