1.) Because you heard rubbing against an Asian is good luck?

2.)You pop your gum constantly… for hours on end. It causes me to want to climb a wall OR to go over and hit you on the back causing you to spit the gum on the floor. I would then jump up and down on that gum with petulant glee screaming “you done popping yet? ARE YOU???”

3,) I hate how you discover a new movement each week. One day you are walking around in a whale outfit and the next you are laying down in front of my SUV while I am trying to drive away saying “I am murdering the ozone.” I can’t keep up with you!

5,) I hate how you always keep count of how many drinks I have.  I am keeping perfect count.. I put the tops in my pocket. Let’s see I have five… ten… more than a few here apparently…

6.) I hate how you suck the fun out of things. You don’t even need to wave a wand you seem to just absorb the fun in the room. I bet if you bumped into a clown you would kill him by contact.

7.) I hate that you are from a different country and think that you know how “America is” because you have visited here once. I have lived here for 30 years and I still don’t understand this batshit country.

8.) I hate that you have a sign that says “Pro-Choice, Abortion Rights” in one hand and in the other you have “Save the Dolphins.” Fuck the dolphins.

9.) I hate people telling me not to say the word “hate.” I love saying hate because everything else is not worth mentioning.

10.) I hate your perfect sentence because I didn’t write it.

11.) I hate people that are famous for being famous. Naming no names here, but it makes me jealous as hell.

-OM