I am alone, in spite of love,
In spite of all I take and give —
In spite of all your tenderness,
Sometimes I am not glad to live.
I am alone, as though I stood
On the highest peak of the tired gray world,
About me only swirling snow,
Above me, endless space unfurled;
With earth hidden and heaven hidden,
And only my own spirit’s pride
To keep me from the peace of those
Who are not lonely, having died.
Poet: Sarah Teasdale
I am a SPINSTER.
It’s time for me to stop lying to myself while living in denial. I am an actual flesh and blood SPINSTER. The only thing im missing is multiple cats roaming around. I do, however, have 2 dogs, so that may count. I never meant for this to happen to me. It wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I always felt so lucky in love, untill 4 years ago, that is. I was lucky, really lucky. And really unlucky all at the same time. Confused? Yea, me to. As I said, I never meant for this to happen to me, and by ‘this’, I mean ‘spinsterhood’.
I was 25 years old the first time we laid eyes on each other. My son was 4. I had been with my boyfriend for 6 years at this point. Things had gone stale between us, to put it mildly. And by stale, I mean that he spent 18 of every 24 hours, playing dumb games on our stupid Xbox. Good thing that at this point in my life I had my posse to keep me company. Lol. I mean, I had 7 best friends, all guys, and they were all over at my house most of the time, so I was able to overlook my Xbox zombie for a time.
I was attempting to paint the trim in my kitchen when he first walked into my house and into my life, for the first time. Now, this part is hard for me to put into words without sounding like a total cheese ball, but I swear it really happened this way. As I said, I was painting trim in my kitchen. That’s when he walked in, followed by his girlfriend. It didn’t matter who else was in the room, because when our eyes met, everyone in the room felt our chemistry, our connection. Especially our respective partners.
Now I’m not going to go into detail right now about the next decade and a half. The reason I told you this much was simply to explain why I had always felt so lucky in love. Basically, even now, as a self proclaimed SPINSTER, I know that I am lucky still. I personally know people my age who have done nothing but dream of finding a love like I have already experienced. Besides, no one ever said that once you find true love it will last untill the day you die. Well, I take that back. The reason that im a SPINSTER is because I gave my heart to the love of my life, and I can’t find any reason to be with anyone else. Why bother? It would be 2nd best, because you do not get better than I have already had it. You just don’t. So now, you may call me Ms. Spinster. My 2 dogs and I will happily live out our remaining days knowing that Inot only found my true love, I was able to experience that love for over a decade. Even now, single and alone, I am proud to be who I am today because of this.