Category: Funny

ALONE

ALONE

by Beauty76 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

​I am alone, in spite of love,

In spite of all I take and give —

In spite of all your tenderness,

Sometimes I am not glad to live.


I am alone, as though I stood

On the highest peak of the tired gray world,

About me only swirling snow,

Above me, endless space unfurled;


With earth hidden and heaven hidden,

And only my own spirit’s pride

To keep me from the peace of those

Who are not lonely, having died. 

Poet: Sarah Teasdale

I am a SPINSTER.

 It’s time for me to stop lying to myself while living in denial. I am an actual flesh and blood SPINSTER. The only thing im missing is multiple  cats roaming around.  I do, however, have 2 dogs, so that may count.  I never meant for this to happen to me. It wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I always felt so lucky in love, untill 4 years ago, that is.  I was lucky, really lucky. And really unlucky all at the same time. Confused?  Yea, me to. As I said, I never meant for this to happen to me, and by ‘this’, I mean ‘spinsterhood’.

I was 25 years old the first time we laid eyes on each other. My son was 4.  I had been with my boyfriend for 6 years at this point. Things had gone stale between us, to put it mildly. And by stale, I mean that he spent 18 of every 24 hours, playing dumb games on our stupid Xbox. Good thing that at this point in my life I had my posse to keep me company. Lol. I mean, I had 7 best friends, all guys, and they were all over at my house most of the time, so I was able to overlook my Xbox zombie for a time. 

 I was attempting to paint the trim in my kitchen when he first walked into my house and into my life, for the first time. Now, this part is hard for me to put into words without sounding like a total cheese ball, but I swear it really happened this way. As I said, I was painting trim in my kitchen. That’s when he walked in, followed by his girlfriend. It didn’t matter who else was in the room, because when our eyes met, everyone in the room felt our chemistry, our connection. Especially our respective partners. 

Now I’m not going to go into detail right now about the next decade and a half. The reason I told you this much was simply to explain why I had always felt so lucky in love. Basically, even now, as a self proclaimed SPINSTER, I know that I am lucky still. I personally know people my age who have done nothing but dream of finding a love like I have already experienced. Besides, no one ever said that once you find true love it will last untill the day you die. Well, I take that back. The reason that im a SPINSTER is because I gave my heart to the love of my life, and I can’t find any reason to be with anyone else. Why bother? It would be 2nd best, because you do not get better than I have already had it. You just don’t. So now, you may call me Ms. Spinster. My 2 dogs and I will happily live out our remaining days knowing that Inot only found my true love, I was able to experience that love for over a decade. Even now, single and alone, I am proud to be who I am today because of this. 

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Your Astrology Sign- & the SHIT People Say Behind You Back

Your Astrology Sign- & the SHIT People Say Behind You Back

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Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)
You can have a bit of a temper. People make secret bets on when your next explosion of anger is going to be.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 21st)
You show off with money and it makes everyone feel uncomfortable. It’s cool that you offer to pay for drinks, but not when you follow it up with, “I can absolutely afford it, don’t worry!”

Gemini

(May 22nd to June 21st)
People toss the word ‘psycho’ around in group texts fairly frequently. On one hand, your friends love you. But on the other, you can act sort of psycho…

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)
You drunk cry at EVERYTHING. It’s endearing the first few times. But now people are a bit like, “Dude, get yourself together.”

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)
People get annoyed at how self-absorbed you can be. You’re definitely tons of fun to be around, but you never let anyone else talk. It’s always you, you, you. Even when someone else tries to talk about something, you find a way to insert yourself into it.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)
You’re so serious/judgmental about everything. Sometimes your friends don’t even want to invite you to things because you’re such a downer.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)
You’re SUCH a Mom/Dad. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. You’re responsible and fair, both good traits to have. But yeah, you tend to act like an old person.

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)
Sometimes your ‘jokes’ aren’t actually funny and they’re just painful. Your sarcasm borders on being cruel.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)
You have such a fun, flirty energy but sometimes it feels like you focus on romance and/or sex more than your friends. People end up feeling neglected and bitter.

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)
No one talks behind your back because they probably forgot you even existed.

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)
You’re bad at picking up on social clues. Like, reaaaaally bad. People joke about how awkward you always are.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)

People make fun of your poetry. Enough with the metaphors about fire! You are so cheesy, you’re like a damn slice of pizza. 

10 Things I Hate About You…

10 Things I Hate About You…

by Beauty76 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

1.) Because you heard rubbing against an Asian is good luck?

2.)You pop your gum constantly… for hours on end. It causes me to want to climb a wall OR to go over and hit you on the back causing you to spit the gum on the floor. I would then jump up and down on that gum with petulant glee screaming “you done popping yet? ARE YOU???”

3,) I hate how you discover a new movement each week. One day you are walking around in a whale outfit and the next you are laying down in front of my SUV while I am trying to drive away saying “I am murdering the ozone.” I can’t keep up with you!

5,) I hate how you always keep count of how many drinks I have.  I am keeping perfect count.. I put the tops in my pocket. Let’s see I have five… ten… more than a few here apparently…

6.) I hate how you suck the fun out of things. You don’t even need to wave a wand you seem to just absorb the fun in the room. I bet if you bumped into a clown you would kill him by contact.

7.) I hate that you are from a different country and think that you know how “America is” because you have visited here once. I have lived here for 30 years and I still don’t understand this batshit country.

8.) I hate that you have a sign that says “Pro-Choice, Abortion Rights” in one hand and in the other you have “Save the Dolphins.” Fuck the dolphins.

9.) I hate people telling me not to say the word “hate.” I love saying hate because everything else is not worth mentioning.

10.) I hate your perfect sentence because I didn’t write it.

11.) I hate people that are famous for being famous. Naming no names here, but it makes me jealous as hell.

-OM

DISTANCE & A MAN’S HEART~ from a woman’s perspective…

DISTANCE & A MAN’S HEART~ from a woman’s perspective…

by Beauty76 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

All I can say is that distance makes my heart grow fonder.

Not your typical romantic novel, but it’s in the same  genre.

Just the smell of you, can stimulate my Heart.  

Just the thought of  you, inspires My every thought.

You  Somehow turned me into a respectable man, all of my demons disappeared, like the beer in my can.

Love means nothing, unless its shown through  actions. Otherwise, its just a word, that can drive men to distraction.

What you give me is much more than satisfaction, it can  only can be described as pure  sexual attraction.

The most slamming girl can not compete with you, nothing fazes me except other means eyes on you. 

Then…

My knee’s start to quiver, and I begin to shake, the emotions running through me feel close to hate.

JEALOUS.

Hell yes I would take that cats last breath, if he even partially begins to stare at Your breasts.

I trust you with all of my heart, so please baby girl, don’t tear my trust apart.

I was not living before, yet now that I’ve met you, my cluttered life, no longer feels askew. 

A new beginning, a fresh start, and its all because I gave you my 💙. 

I 💙 my liFe.

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A RANDOM LETTER ■ FROM MY INCARCERATED FRIEND.

by Beauty76 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Hello.Today was a cool day. I ate barbecue chicken for dinner. It rained. I played checkers. I took a shower. I looked out my window at the rain. I thought about home. I went to the bathroom 3 times today. I just passed gas. There is a spider in my window, I watched it eat a fly. I will watch ‘Fear Factor’ on  TV tonight. I wonder what you are doing right now. Someone needs to cut the grass outside. My roommate moved out. A guy just walked past my window. Remember when I cried at your house? I want to go home. Do you remember coming over to my apartment? I see birds eating outside. I see dead people. I see bees flying around a piece of cake someone threw on the ground. 154 people live in my dorm. One time I climbed on top of a car as it sped down the road. I got a rush from that. I once threw a dead possum onto a girl’s porch. Once I masterbated in the waiting room of a mental health facility. The sun is coming out. The sun will rise everyday. I can always count on the sun. Well, I hope you had a cool day, like me. I will call you Thursday. I love you  love me to.  M.I.

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TEN THOUSAND PICTURES OF FRAN

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I was pondering life and it’s myriad of meanings one day and I found myself wondering what a person’s life would look like if it was summed up into 10,000 photographs. From there my thoughts turned to what a great blog idea! I could start posting photos with a brief summation of the day, moment, and place it falls on my timeline. Hmmm…

It would only be natural to call my new blog, Ten-thousand Pictures of Fran ☆ My life in pictures. 

I’m posting this because I feel that feedback, positive or negative, would be beneficial to myself as well as my idea. Please let me know if this sounds like something you, as a blogger, would be interested in checking out. Thank you!





Posted by Beauty76 using “WordPress” for Android.

The Gender´s of Nonliving Things

The Gender´s of Nonliving Things

by Beauty76 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

You may not know this, but many of the nonliving things that most use daily, have a gender. To name a few, here are some examples that come to mind-
  

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. 

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. 

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it’s often over-inflated. 

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part. 

5) Sponges are Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and retain water. 

6) A Web Page is Female, because it’s always getting hit on. 

7)A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. 

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. 

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn’ t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around. 

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it’d be male , didn’t you? But consider this – it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

(Pass these on to both male and female friends of yours so that they can have a chuckle too.)