I was almost 40, and at that time 40 felt so OLD. Even as I stood at the precipice. I was officially, by most standards, middle aged. I hate that phrase; middle aged. I certainly didnt feel 40. I felt as if I had finally begun to get the hang of this short span of time that we call life.
I only remember snippets of my youth. Im not certain if this is due to a traumatic event, or if I am normal, and simply remember just as much as anyone else does. One thing is for certain, I wish I could recall so much more of my youth.
The day before my tenth birthday, I recall loudly announcing to anyone that would listen, that I would never again be in the single digits. I proudly proclaimed this fact, as my heart and mind filled with pride. While making this proclamation, I was kicking and thrusting my little legs as hard as I could, in my never-ending effort to soar over the bar. I had long desired to one day be the first to swing in a complete circle over the bar that held my swing. I had pretty much convinced myself that I would be. ( I am still in the process of attaining this long ago goal I set for myself.)
That day, on the swings, was more than 30 years ago. Time seems to fly by faster now, even faster than I had hoped to, that day on the playground.
Though quite a bit of time has passed since that day, I have spent a significant amount reflecting on the events and people that I have seen come and go throughout my life.
A pattern emerged from my reflections. Very few people who entered my life, stayed. In the begining, I would grieve every departure. It seemed, that when their time with me was up, they would leave and never look back. Now, I view these departures in a new and more philosophical way. These people had to leave my life’s story, in order to continue their own. However, not before I made some small, yet significant mark or influence on their lives, as most had left on mine. Some small change of direction, if you will. That’s when it hit me.
A stepping stone! We are all each other’s stepping stones! I was not forgotten, my role in their story had simply come to an end. Be it for now or forever. I now suspect it’s like this for everyone.
Posted by Fran Stone using “WordPress” for Android.
Everyone makes mistakes.” I swear on all I have that I have heard this statement, literally, thousands of times. Unfortunately for me, this seemingly forgiving statement was only said to me throughout my, shall we say, ‘younger years.’ During my late 20’s, I clearly remember going through an embarrassingly long period of denial about the seriously messed up state I found my life in.
Even now, as I am writing this, I find my self snorting in derision. My very unladylike snort is due to the fact that, even now, that ‘messed up’ time in my 20’s? Well, that was a freaking walk in the park on a warm spring day, compared to my present circumstances, which I am, from here on out, going to refer to as ‘the fallout’. Now, let me clarify something. Anytime I say anything on the messed up state my life is currently in, I am not referring to my present living circumstances. I have actually been ‘living’ in a very nice, extended stay hotel however, before the ‘fallout’, i owned my very own, amazing home. Which I resided in with the only real true love of my life my amazing son, also living there was my then boyfriend of 6 years LJ, 2 dogs, 13 cats, 2 chickens (Bessie & Millie), 5 fish tanks, and for a very short time: 2 ducks. But I’m rambling. My point is, ‘the fallout’ is referring to the many friends, job, family, etc. that, due to MY bad choices, decisions, and behaviors I lost. The changes that I am in the process of making, i hope, will help me get back on the road that one day will lead me back to what really matters…so stay tuned readers…