Hello.Today was a cool day. I ate barbecue chicken for dinner. It rained. I played checkers. I took a shower. I looked out my window at the rain. I thought about home. I went to the bathroom 3 times today. I just passed gas. There is a spider in my window, I watched it eat a fly. I will watch ‘Fear Factor’ on  TV tonight. I wonder what you are doing right now. Someone needs to cut the grass outside. My roommate moved out. A guy just walked past my window. Remember when I cried at your house? I want to go home. Do you remember coming over to my apartment? I see birds eating outside. I see dead people. I see bees flying around a piece of cake someone threw on the ground. 154 people live in my dorm. One time I climbed on top of a car as it sped down the road. I got a rush from that. I once threw a dead possum onto a girl’s porch. Once I masterbated in the waiting room of a mental health facility. The sun is coming out. The sun will rise everyday. I can always count on the sun. Well, I hope you had a cool day, like me. I will call you Thursday. I love you  love me to.  M.I.

365 Days to Master All Positions of the Kama Sutra

365 Days to Master All Positions of the Kama Sutra


I was pondering what type of blog post would catch my attention this morning, while half listening to the random conversations of my friends, when the words ‘Julia’ and ‘sex’ caught my attention. I remember the movie ‘Julie & Julia’ about the woman who blogged her experience cooking five hundred something recipes in a year. This caused me to wonder if anyone had ever thought to blog about mastering all of the positions of, say, the Karma Sutra, or tantric sex.

Now, at this point I am lacking a few important things to complete this challenge myself. One of the most important being someone to master the positions witimage


Really I have no idea how many positions there even are in the Kama Sutra. I can say that I have flipped through many books on sexual positions, as well as tried quite a few myself at one time or another. I feel like it would make for very interesting reading, as well as create a very exciting sex life for whomever I talk into actually doing thisimage


I fully intend to research all topics of sex and their many facets, pick one, find a willing partner, or a couple of volunteers, then start my new blog. Over the course of one year I
will cover, in detail, photos included, all of the sexual positions offered by the Kama Sutra. If there are any thoughts or suggestions please leave in the commentimage



11 Suprising Truths About Life You Won’t Learn In College

11 Suprising Truths About Life You Won’t Learn In College

11 Inspiring Truths About Life You Won’t Learn In College

by nicoletarkoff

(I read this and wanted to share it with more people. I hope you can take from it some small thing you did not know.)

1. There is no map to life.

There is no map in life that will lead you to a perfect, or a specific ideal “destination.” Life is a journey… it’s a series of small decisions and choices you make that will lead you on your own unique journey. Don’t keep worrying about where you will turn up, or wondering if you made the right decisions. This added anxiety only takes you further from uncovering your true self.


Trust yourself, and have faith that whichever direction you take will bring you to the place you need to be. Don’t be afraid to go off the map of the life you planned for yourself – life often has a spectacular way of taking us to exactly where we need to be at the times in which we least expect it.

2. Change your focus from “finding yourself” to “creating yourself.”

As Danny Kaye once said, “Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can on it.” Finding yourself is an illusion. It is unattainable as human beings are extremely malleable. We change every second of every day. Instead of attempting to force yourself to ride the waves of some intensive transformation journey, create yourself as you go. Think about who you wish to be, and become this person.

You have complete control over who you are in this world, so embody the version of yourself that you admire, that you love, and that you look up to. So go out there and create yourself. Be whoever you wish to be. Take in every second of everyday, and allow the world to shape you. Don’t ever be afraid to put yourself out there and to create the version of you that shines most bright



3. Accepting change will bring you a life of adventure and beauty.

When something doesn’t turn out how you wanted it to, or you suddenly veer off your well thought out detailed five year plan, don’t panic.  One small change does not mean that you are doomed, just as one tiny mistake does not mean you are a failure. We tend to over emphasize our mistakes and belittle our accomplishments, such that we lack the positive reinforcement we need when change comes our



Repeat after me: one little mistake does not mean you are a failure. Quite often, our biggest roadblocks and letdowns in life ultimately guide us into something even better. Everything in life is connected in some way or another, so what may seem disappointing now may be fundamental in the big picture; in your life as a whole. Usually when things go wrong, better things will come your way. It is all part of your story.

4. Trust your instincts.

Listen to your gut feelings and your heart wrenching desires. Listen to the little voice that tells you that something is wrong for you. Listen to the biological signs that something is not right. Most likely, if it feels wrong, it is wrong. We often underestimate the intelligence of our feelings and emotions, when these are quite vital in learning what is bes


t for us.

Follow your instincts and intuition, because quite often these come from your heart, and are in more tune than even logic in what will bring you happiness and peace. Quite often, your heart may be a step ahead of your brain in figuring out what’s best for you.

5. Be your own best friend.

Of course this sounds cliché, but it’s the truth. The best and most important relationship that you will ever have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. You will be with yourself for the rest of your life. You will go through all the hard times together. You will celebrate all the victories together.

So please do all that you can to nurture this relationship. Invest in this relationship. Be gentle on yourself, yet tough enough to know and to go after what you deserve. Invest in yourself, as this investment and connection will lead you to a better life more aligned with your values, morals, and core beliefs.

6. Don’t manipulate yourself to fit into an ideal



Please, above all, do not change or manipulate yourself to fit into a mold formed by societal standards, or the views of others. No matter what your spouse, boss, sister, or best friend says, you are the only person who knows what is best for you. You are the only person who knows what excites your heart and invigorates your mind. You fit into the world exactly as you are – there is only one of you, so be that exact person without regret or second thought.

7. Be more concerned with what your life feels like than with what it looks like.

When it all comes down to it, your life is the day to day adventures and thoughts that fill each second. Your life is about the emotions that dig deep into your soul, and the experiences that shake up your perspectives. Be more concerned with living a life that speaks to you, rather than with living a life that looks good on paper. A good life is a life that you are happy to wake up to…a life that excites you and fulfills you…a life that lets you truly live. This life looks different for everyone. Your life is not your resume, your job description, or your Facebook profile. Your life is WHO you are – not who you appear to be.



Live in the now.

If you are always racing to the finish line of everything you do, you will lose all of the little miracles and tiny blessings that happen along the way. The moment is all we are aware of – the past has happened, and the future is still in the distance. Waiting for happiness in the future only leaves you unhappy and discouraged, as you will be missing all that is happening right in front of you.

And what is happening right now is life. The future is uncertain and the past is over, but the now is here. So stop dwelling on the past, or thinking about what’s to come, and be right here. Right now.

9. There is no one definition of success.

Life is not a race or a competition to reaching a societal goal that predetermines success.  Stop rushing through life to reach set timeline goals that you think you “should” accomplish at a certain age. Success is not about how quickly you get your college degree, or how quickly you buy your first house. It’s not about the age you are when you get married, or when you have your first child (or your second…or your third). Success is different for everyone. What makes you feel good is not the same as what makes your best friend feel good.


Success and life milestones are simply social constructions that often lead to people feeling as though they are not enough, or not successful enough. But isn’t true. Simply by being you and living a life surrounding your values you will reach your own success, and this success is being at peace with your mind and body. So stop worrying – let things happen as they happen. Don’t pressure yourself into trying to follow a step by step manual to life.

10. You are never a burden.

You are never a burden. No matter what you go through in life, no matter what you feel is pulling you down. It’s okay. Just keep going. You are unique and beautiful. You are strong and resilient. You have something that no one else has to contribute to this big blue and green earth – you have your own miraculous identity, your own touch of genius, and your own way of sharing compassion and love.

11. Your life is exactly that: YOUR life.

You have the power to live this life however you would like. You never, ever have to follow the crowd. Spend your time doing what makes you happy and share it with the world. Never rate yourself on societal standards, or sink into despair when something goes wrong. Never judge yourself based on who someone else wants to be. Follow your own heart and mind, love a lot, and live your life exactly how you please.

Posted by Beauty76 using “WordPress” for Android.

My Addiction and My Best Friend

My Addiction and My Best Friend


I have spent the last few days   brainstorming on what I could blog about that would not only be the bitter, ugly truth about a life changing experience I have personally endured,  but also something that until now i was to ashamed to even consider writing about.  Until i read a quote the other day which said that “a writer is only as good as the amount of honesty and truth he is willing to put out there”. For as long as humans have been around, last words are considered a profound chapter of the humans experience: This next quote is last words, actually they are last words that were never said until now. These words have impacted me in a way that nothing else has. they were written to me yesterday by the best friend I have ever had, oe even hoped to have. I hope to reunite with her soon. I had forgotten what it was like to have a friend who loves me for who I am, and not for what I can give to them or do for them. Reading this brought me to tears. The following messages were written over a four year period.

*Hey there! How are you? I just moved back to G ville and today I move to my apartment. Keep in touch with me!!

K. Well I’ve tried to keep in touch many times silly. Where are you?

*Right this second I’m at mom’s. My apartment is Caledon Woods on Pelham. You still with your mom?

Yeah, but I was on my way home from sleeping over with a friend last night. I’m on augusta rd.
Call me.

What’s up?!?! I miss you. When are you gonna come see me? My phone is almost out of minutes and I’m broke thats why I haven’t texted you.

I just got your msg. I decided to check my facebook on the computer. I miss you too. I want to come walk. I have no energy anymore and I’m depressed but I want to hang out with you soon. Please.


I am depressed as welll. You need to come visit me! We don’t have to walk.

Hey. You need to NOT put my name down as a reference for anything! I love you and wish you the best, however using my name when you take out a title loan is pretty shitty. My mom is furious that they keep calling her. I don’t live there. That’s not even my name anymore. Please stop this mess. This is the second time you’ve done this and continually cause my mom to worry that I’m getting back in trouble. I’m not, nor do I have any plans to.

*Holly, I just reread the last. message you sent me. I am so sorry. Just reading that makes me feel shame at my behavior back then. You have never been anything but a great friend to me, one of my only actually. I screwed it all up stupidly. I hope and pray one day we can be friends again. Remember Cricket? Dancing in the rain? Country music? Lol.gooid times. I hope you are doing great! Your babies are gorgeous.


I haven’t forgotten anything about you. Ever. I love you dearly. I will always be your friend. Plus that was 3 yrs ago.
I don’t hold grudges.
Plus you saved my life. More than once.
It hurt to see you lose all you had going for you. We all make mistakes though. I’m prime example. I’ve made my share… Lol… Just learn from them and don’t let them hold you back. And don’t let anyone label you because you’ve made mistakes. You’re better than that. I miss you and miss my best friend and sister. I hope you’re getting better. If not, wake the fuck up and stop doing stupid shit! I’d be there for you if you need me, and I’d be there for you to help you fight to get your life back. But I can’t support you if youre still doing the same thing. I had to get away from that life and you need to as well.

*I have spent the last year making huge changes. It’s hard when u don’t even have family support. But I’m doing it. Looking for a rental house now in a goid area. Any ideas? Let me know. Miss u lady.


You’re talented, smart, gorgeous, and funny as hell. You just had a shitty support system, as did I. I’ve been staying w my parents when my son isn’t there. My ex is trying to keep me from him. I understand how hard it is. My parents are the same. I slept in my car for 8 months after requesting divorce bc they were trying to show me tough live in the hopes itd force me to get back together with him.

Then again from Oct to new years. Finally it got so cold my mom said I can stay there as long as mason isn’t there and when I am there I have to leave by 730am so Adam doesn’t see me as well as the neighbors. I don’t get there til 830 pm. So I work 8-8.

*Omg! First. You can stay with me anytime, anywhere. 2. Our parents need to learn that tough love is no love. It’s the lazy, I don’t care way to handle a situation. We should get together. Are you by any chance looking for a safe and stable place to live? I am.
Rent can be up to $1600. And I have 2 dogs. A Yorkie and a Pitt mix I rescued.


*Right now I’m staying on Woodruff 0 staybridge suites. I hope to move asap. I just have to find a place. It needs to be modern, fenced backyard, good area, big master bath and closet. Three bedrooms so. I can turn one into a library.

Why can’t u see mason?

Bc Adam is a cunt asshole

He is just bitter bc I left

My mom honors his wishes over mine.
He is just bitter bc I left .

I’ve been clean for years. Long before I ever met him but he’s vindictive .

*Yeah. I could tell you some stories.

I’m working right now but leaving at 8. Gotta find somewhere to stay tonight. Lol .

When I couldn’t stay there, my mom recommended a shelter so I didn’t freeze to death…

*You can stay with me.

Ok. We can chat later.
Are you clean?

I can’t be around that stuff. I can’t be around that stuff. It was hard to get clean and just not sure I’d be able to stay away.

*I will make sure nothing is around that would tempt u.

You have to get clean Fran.

Your parents won’t always be around and you are so amazing. I watched shit eat away the person I knew and loved

It sucked.

*My parents aren’t around now. I have not seen my sister or dad in years. Mom sends an email occasionally. And now my own son won’t even write me. We were good till mom and ros began telling him God knows what to make him hate me.

*So basically I have myself.

I know the feeling.
I meant be around to take care of Riv though.

But that’s no excuse for not being clean

*RIV is in college now.

I know. I was doing the math the other day….. I remember him with his kanga light and scab from the vacuum right after he was born

It’s scary .
But still avoiding me fussing at you….

No excuses mama. You were my rock. I need you. I need you clean though .

You owe it to yourself , and to Riv.

It’s not too late.

I’ll stay on you bc I love you

Remember dragging me around my by wrist after I ate anything at Applebee’s everyday????

No excuses! I love you!!!
Oreo shakes
Coaching soccer
Matt DeWitt and that whole shitstorm.
Then Mike and Jamie Foster.
Crushing on that guy. Tracey
Cory married some makeup artist and they have a spa together
Cory dancing!!!

I still tell ppl about the fight in the front yard at 3 am w 15 guys and us
The Christmas party that went wrong

I saw cricket one day when I was driving to a clients house. I couldn’t stop though. He was getting ready to tow someone way out Woodruff Rd.

You’re worth it to me.

Ken and the whole foothills 4×4 gang.
That camping trip.

That guy that stopped up your mom’s bathroom

*Road trips, sitting in my new house. Chris, the one that got away.

Your new house w my cousin. Lol. Even then it wasn’t ever bad. You started slipping away after.

*I didn’t slip away. I always here, we just lost touch.

You slipped away. It killed me to watch.

Whe you started shooting up…. It was bad.

When I got in the car, Betty Davis eyes was on!!!!! Makes me miss you even more. All the monster jam cds

“My mom called at last minute last night saying I could stay. I got super teary 😢 yesterday thinking about you and us. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I let you slip away. I’m sorry I didn’t grab you by the wrist and not let go til you were better. I feel like I let you down when I should have held you up. I’m sorry we have shitty fucking parents who seem to have gotten us more as a status symbol, than to actually love us. It’s not their fault though. It’s their generation and how they were raised. They don’t understand the stuff we’ve gone through. I know your pain to an extent an Di should have been there. I’m here now. I love you and I need you. You were my rock and I need one right now. I need my best friend. I’ve lost everything I have except Emma. I lost it because I chose divorce. My parents were pissed and did the tough love shit and even wrote and affidavit in Adams favor for the divorce so that he got custody… I know how bad it hurts to not feel loved by parents. It sucks. I know what it’s like to wonder if your child has forgotten you. I know why you do what you do. It takes the pain away. I understand. But I need you badly .
I love you no matter what and I’m here for you. No matter what you’ve done, I don’t care, and I’ll never judge you. I know why bc I know the pain they have put you through. So if you need to I get it. Sobriety sucks. I’ll be the 1st to admit that. And ppl who know still treat you like you’re doing shit. It is a daily struggle that I battle. I still have my Adderall .

*I love you lady! I have never had another friend that even came close to you.

Friends & Proper Hotel Etiquette

Friends & Proper Hotel Etiquette

I admit, the idea for this post is very much so based on real life. The idea came to me as I spent my ump-teenth night stressed to the max, and very close to pulling out my hair. I mean, how many times should I have to repeat things like; “please don’t let the door slam.” and “walk softly”. So the following is a list of rules, or Etiquette if you will, that friends should abide by while visiting in your hotel.image

1. PARKING-Upon arrival to said hotel, do not pull your car up to the curb. The proper thing to do is to park in the designated parking spots. This is done because other guests at said hotel tend to complain when autos are not properly stored. Which in turn will cause the friend you are visiting  to be berated by management. Trust me on this, the friend does not like this and you may not be invited back. Ever.

2. DOORS- Upon arrival at your friends door, it is customary to knock gently. Loud banging, and/ or kicking is not necessary. Remember before resorting to this that your friend may have stepped out for a minute.
Once invited inside, if you must leave the room for a smoke or phone call do not let the door slam on your way out. Try to remember that there are others in said hotel and if it’s nighttime, they are probably sleeping. And a reminder, constant in out in out is ill advised. As with the parking, guests tend to complain, which will get your friend a lovely managerial meeting.

3. GUESTS- Now, in my opinion this next one should go without saying, but I will say it anyway. If said friend in said hotel invites you over for a visit, it is not OK to invite your friends over as well. It is also just a visit people. Not a sleepover, nor an invitation to move into said room. The proper way to visit is to stay a couple hours and go home. Do not get dropped off with no ride home. That is just bad manners.

I hope this guide has clarified some lingering questions. If one abides by these guidelines then the visit should go well. Good luck!

Posted from WordPress for Android

The Fallout- Rock Bottom

The Fallout- Rock Bottom

Everyone makes mistakes.”  I swear on all I have that I have heard this statement, literally, thousands of times.  Unfortunately for me, this seemingly forgiving statement was only said to me throughout my, shall we say, ‘younger years.’  During my late 20’s, I clearly remember going through an embarrassingly long period of denial about the seriously messed up state I found my life in. 

Even now, as I am writing this, I find my self snorting in derision. My very unladylike snort is due to the fact that, even now, that ‘messed up’ time in my 20’s? Well, that was a freaking walk in the park on a warm spring day, compared to my present circumstances, which I am, from here on out, going to refer to as ‘the fallout’. wp-1452460643075.jpg
Now, let me clarify something.  Anytime I say anything on the messed up state my life is currently in, I am not referring to my present living circumstances. I have actually been ‘living’ in a very nice, extended stay hotel however, before the ‘fallout’, i owned my very own, amazing home. Which I resided in with the only real true love of my life my amazing son, also living there was my then boyfriend of 6 years LJ, 2 dogs, 13 cats, 2 chickens (Bessie & Millie), 5 fish tanks, and for a very short time: 2 ducks. But I’m rambling. My point is, ‘the fallout’ is referring to the many friends, job, family, etc. that, due to MY bad choices, decisions, and behaviors I lost. The changes that I am in the process of making, i hope, will help me get back on the road that one day will lead me back to what really matters…so stay tuned readers…cropped-wp-1451993858267.jpg

Raise One Finger

Raise One Finger




.  I was a floater, still am.  I would have some friends in every group, because I had shared interests with a lot of different types of people, in alot of different groups, but there has only ever been one person, that I felt I could completely trust, come into my life at a time.  I am okay with this now.-  No matter how far apart we were we always kept in touch. That is, until 12 years ago. It was late one night when my very best friend/first love Scott,image

was in an accident and was killed.  I took the news very hard, but I kept it all inside for a long time.  It is only as I think of him now that I have my revelation…IF YOU CAN RAISE ONE FINGER ON YOUR HAND- JUST ONE, FOR THAT ONE TRUE FRIEND, YOU ARE DOING ALRIGHT!!!  Why has society made us feel that we all have to have tons & tons of friends in order to succeed at life?  I know that I would rather be able to raise one finger in confidence, than 10 with doubts filling my mind………..