Never Grow Up

Never Grow Up

This is  from the perspective of an 11 year old boy.

My mom has taken a temporary vacation to never-never land. Again. She must have been side tracked while caring for all the lost boys, because to me, it feels as if she rarely returns.  When she does visit me, she seems to have morphed herself into Peter Pan  She  never seemed to grow up.

 She’d sneak through my window late at night, linger just long enough to make me believe in fairy tales and happy dreams, then she’d fly away again. When her heart felt lonely or bored, she would return to me.  I’ll never know why she would vanish, nor do I really care, I only needed to know that she would return. The worst thing about being abandoned by a parent is this: you still love them even when they don’t deserve it.


At night, I’d sit on my window-sill looking for the second star to the right, all the while wondering if she was looking too. I was almost a teen when she went away, so doing things such as wishing on pennies made me feel so childish. I wished anyway. I think every person has a small section of their heart designated to their inner child. That way, when something from your innocence as big as your mother suddenly leaving, your inner child awakens and begins to cry.

Unfortunately, in my case, it was a long time before she came back to soothe me, but she did come back.

I had become so obsessed with waiting for her that eventually the ticking of clocks became as painful as crocodile teeth in my skin.

That’s why I never frowned upon hook; it isn’t until you experience pain that you start to realize sometimes the bad guy makes more sense.

 And even after five years I still feel like Wendy, waiting in my bed every night for one last kiss. Reciting how much I believe in fairies and hoping that one day I’ll be able to fly off into the night, to feel my mothers love again.

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A Mom’s Love…a poem

A Mom’s Love…a poem

God’s calling you home, and I must let you go.

I’ll cherish every moment, I want you to know.

You’ve wiped all my tears but just once again,  you’re more than my mother, your my very best friend.

There’s things that I’ll miss, and I will everyday.

I won’t say goodbye, cause I want you to stay. Just know that I love you and we’re never far apart, you’ll be closer than ever cause you’ll live in my heart

So I’ll kiss your cheek, and hold onto your hand; everything happens for a reason, I just wish I’d understand.

Now hold me closer, let me feel your soft touch,

Your the best mom for me, and I will miss you so much.

You are my angel and it’s now time to go fly.

So remember my smile and don’t see me cry.

We’ve had ups and downs of course through he years, but the love you’ve shown me, outweighs all the tears.

I couldn’t be prouder to say you belong to me, we’ll meet again in heaven, just wait and see.



Status

TIME…

I thought we’d have more time…” this single thought has run through my mind ever since I found out that my mom is dying. Normally, I am one of those people that can handle bad news. One of those ‘strong’ individuals that handles life’s many curve balls with head held high with the grace of a lady-but not this time. This news rocked me to my very core. My heart broke that day. I can not imagine my life without her. 

My parents adopted me at three days old.  They never kept my adoption  secret, for which  I am grateful. Now that I am a mother myself, I have first hand knowledge on the instantaneous  bond of love between birth mother and child. The immediate bond that naturally occured the moment my eyes met my son’s, was not quite so naturally occurring in my non- biological union. The bond I share with my mother was shaped and molded over time. It was formed because of her constant love and attention. And now she is going to leave. I always thought we would have more time. Time to talk. Time to forgive each other’s shortcomings. Time to laugh, cry, yell, and hug. More time to love. 

I have lost many of my friends and relatives through the years, and each will always have a place in my heart, but this is different. This is my mom. 

She is an extraordinary mom. Really. This woman stepped in and took over the care of my son, when my bad choices led me astray, and she still loved me. This woman that always did the best she knew how to do while raising me, took it a step further. She was a good mother, but she was an amazing grandmother. 

I wrote this post because quite a lot of people I know are mad at, fighting with, or have just lost touch with their mother’s. I’m writing this to tell those people that it’s not to late, call or write or visit your families now, while they are here. Now, while there is still time…Tell them you love them before it’s to late.