The essence of true beauty
Lingers in all-encompassing rainbows
Of your joy and laughter
You hold my hand and smile
As we ensconce ourselves in our world of fire
Our love is all there is
I touch your face
Your gentleness astounds me
I’m held in the honour of your love
Then overnight, the world turned sour
61 minutes past the Eleventh Hour
I’M A L 0 N E…
I am alone, in spite of love,
In spite of all I take and give —
In spite of all your tenderness,
Sometimes I am not glad to live.
I am alone, as though I stood
On the highest peak of the tired gray world,
About me only swirling snow,
Above me, endless space unfurled;
With earth hidden and heaven hidden,
And only my own spirit’s pride
To keep me from the peace of those
Who are not lonely, having died.
Poet: Sarah Teasdale
I am a SPINSTER.
It’s time for me to stop lying to myself while living in denial. I am an actual flesh and blood SPINSTER. The only thing im missing is multiple cats roaming around. I do, however, have 2 dogs, so that may count. I never meant for this to happen to me. It wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I always felt so lucky in love, untill 4 years ago, that is. I was lucky, really lucky. And really unlucky all at the same time. Confused? Yea, me to. As I said, I never meant for this to happen to me, and by ‘this’, I mean ‘spinsterhood’.
I was 25 years old the first time we laid eyes on each other. My son was 4. I had been with my boyfriend for 6 years at this point. Things had gone stale between us, to put it mildly. And by stale, I mean that he spent 18 of every 24 hours, playing dumb games on our stupid Xbox. Good thing that at this point in my life I had my posse to keep me company. Lol. I mean, I had 7 best friends, all guys, and they were all over at my house most of the time, so I was able to overlook my Xbox zombie for a time.
I was attempting to paint the trim in my kitchen when he first walked into my house and into my life, for the first time. Now, this part is hard for me to put into words without sounding like a total cheese ball, but I swear it really happened this way. As I said, I was painting trim in my kitchen. That’s when he walked in, followed by his girlfriend. It didn’t matter who else was in the room, because when our eyes met, everyone in the room felt our chemistry, our connection. Especially our respective partners.
Now I’m not going to go into detail right now about the next decade and a half. The reason I told you this much was simply to explain why I had always felt so lucky in love. Basically, even now, as a self proclaimed SPINSTER, I know that I am lucky still. I personally know people my age who have done nothing but dream of finding a love like I have already experienced. Besides, no one ever said that once you find true love it will last untill the day you die. Well, I take that back. The reason that im a SPINSTER is because I gave my heart to the love of my life, and I can’t find any reason to be with anyone else. Why bother? It would be 2nd best, because you do not get better than I have already had it. You just don’t. So now, you may call me Ms. Spinster. My 2 dogs and I will happily live out our remaining days knowing that Inot only found my true love, I was able to experience that love for over a decade. Even now, single and alone, I am proud to be who I am today because of this.
Are my feelings true?
As true as they get.
Go through anything for you, tears, blood and sweat.
You’ve got me on a cloud right now, hope I don’t descend.
Got my emotions tired, want to be much more than friends.
Bringing aspects to your life that you had never seen,
My heart, a desolate desert, turned into a budding, flowering green.
I don’t care if I’m the King, so long as you are my reigning Queen.
You turned my life if nightmares, into a living dream.
Take your time, think it over,
don’t answer right away;
Just realize dear Queen,
you are the Ray of sunlight in my day
I know that you will immediately show or read this to him, your personal puppet master, yet it would be a grave disservice for me to not pass on this small, yet a personally hard-earned bit of wisdom.
First, a confession. I admit that I fell for your performance; hook, line, and sinker. BRAVO! I believed you. I believed that you and I were actually friends; real friends- not pretend ones. Imagine my surprise upon realizing that our every interaction had been cleverly choreographed by your man, then carried out by you. Betrayal and lies hurt, I need you to realize this. You, his personal puppet, should be hurt as well. Though you were acting and doing as you were told, that in of itself is a type of betrayal.
So, despite your betrayal, here’s some advice, one woman to another…
Every aspect of your life will change for the better once you begin to make up your own mind and start making your own decisions. Figure out who you are as a woman, what you like, and who you like; using no one’s opinion other than your own. I’m telling you this because I genuinely liked you and I hoped to see you genuinely happy one day.
Remember, we only get this one, small, a speck of time to live our lives, and to try to get it right.
On your deathbed, wouldn’t you prefer to reflect on all the choices that you made, because you chose to make them? Or would you prefer to reflect back on all the choices and decisions made for you, by someone else?
Even as I write this, I know that you may ignore my advice. I am okay with that. I feel better knowing that I tried. The rest is up to you. I wish nothing but the best for you, in every area of your life. I hope that one day you will wish the same for yourself, so that you may know true happiness and contentment.
A two-legged spider came out of the blue, like a prizefighter, looking to duel.
SHE spun her web without emotion; a trap of pain, chaos, and dysfunction.
Her wicked beauty led me in, I had no clue this was the beginning of the end.
SHE wrapped me up in lies and deceit, and she left me hanging until it was time to eat.
SHE drained my heart and left my soul to die.
Then coldly she threw what was left to the side.
SHE will repair her web, till it looks like new, and lay in wait for the next to fool.
So be real careful, look before you leap, stay away from the web where this spider does creep.
I was pondering what type of blog post would catch my attention this morning, while half listening to the random conversations of my friends, when the words ‘Julia’ and ‘sex’ caught my attention. I remember the movie ‘Julie & Julia’ about the woman who blogged her experience cooking five hundred something recipes in a year. This caused me to wonder if anyone had ever thought to blog about mastering all of the positions of, say, the Karma Sutra, or tantric sex.
Now, at this point I am lacking a few important things to complete this challenge myself. One of the most important being someone to master the positions wit
h.
Really I have no idea how many positions there even are in the Kama Sutra. I can say that I have flipped through many books on sexual positions, as well as tried quite a few myself at one time or another. I feel like it would make for very interesting reading, as well as create a very exciting sex life for whomever I talk into actually doing this
.
I fully intend to research all topics of sex and their many facets, pick one, find a willing partner, or a couple of volunteers, then start my new blog. Over the course of one year I
will cover, in detail, photos included, all of the sexual positions offered by the Kama Sutra. If there are any thoughts or suggestions please leave in the comment
secti
on.
11 Inspiring Truths About Life You Won’t Learn In College
(I read this and wanted to share it with more people. I hope you can take from it some small thing you did not know.)
1. There is no map to life.
There is no map in life that will lead you to a perfect, or a specific ideal “destination.” Life is a journey… it’s a series of small decisions and choices you make that will lead you on your own unique journey. Don’t keep worrying about where you will turn up, or wondering if you made the right decisions. This added anxiety only takes you further from uncovering your true self.
Trust yourself, and have faith that whichever direction you take will bring you to the place you need to be. Don’t be afraid to go off the map of the life you planned for yourself – life often has a spectacular way of taking us to exactly where we need to be at the times in which we least expect it.
2. Change your focus from “finding yourself” to “creating yourself.”
As Danny Kaye once said, “Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can on it.” Finding yourself is an illusion. It is unattainable as human beings are extremely malleable. We change every second of every day. Instead of attempting to force yourself to ride the waves of some intensive transformation journey, create yourself as you go. Think about who you wish to be, and become this person.
You have complete control over who you are in this world, so embody the version of yourself that you admire, that you love, and that you look up to. So go out there and create yourself. Be whoever you wish to be. Take in every second of everyday, and allow the world to shape you. Don’t ever be afraid to put yourself out there and to create the version of you that shines most bright
ly.
3. Accepting change will bring you a life of adventure and beauty.
When something doesn’t turn out how you wanted it to, or you suddenly veer off your well thought out detailed five year plan, don’t panic. One small change does not mean that you are doomed, just as one tiny mistake does not mean you are a failure. We tend to over emphasize our mistakes and belittle our accomplishments, such that we lack the positive reinforcement we need when change comes our
way.
Repeat after me: one little mistake does not mean you are a failure. Quite often, our biggest roadblocks and letdowns in life ultimately guide us into something even better. Everything in life is connected in some way or another, so what may seem disappointing now may be fundamental in the big picture; in your life as a whole. Usually when things go wrong, better things will come your way. It is all part of your story.
4. Trust your instincts.
Listen to your gut feelings and your heart wrenching desires. Listen to the little voice that tells you that something is wrong for you. Listen to the biological signs that something is not right. Most likely, if it feels wrong, it is wrong. We often underestimate the intelligence of our feelings and emotions, when these are quite vital in learning what is bes
t for us.
Follow your instincts and intuition, because quite often these come from your heart, and are in more tune than even logic in what will bring you happiness and peace. Quite often, your heart may be a step ahead of your brain in figuring out what’s best for you.
5. Be your own best friend.
Of course this sounds cliché, but it’s the truth. The best and most important relationship that you will ever have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. You will be with yourself for the rest of your life. You will go through all the hard times together. You will celebrate all the victories together.
So please do all that you can to nurture this relationship. Invest in this relationship. Be gentle on yourself, yet tough enough to know and to go after what you deserve. Invest in yourself, as this investment and connection will lead you to a better life more aligned with your values, morals, and core beliefs.
6. Don’t manipulate yourself to fit into an ideal
‘framework.’
Please, above all, do not change or manipulate yourself to fit into a mold formed by societal standards, or the views of others. No matter what your spouse, boss, sister, or best friend says, you are the only person who knows what is best for you. You are the only person who knows what excites your heart and invigorates your mind. You fit into the world exactly as you are – there is only one of you, so be that exact person without regret or second thought.
7. Be more concerned with what your life feels like than with what it looks like.
When it all comes down to it, your life is the day to day adventures and thoughts that fill each second. Your life is about the emotions that dig deep into your soul, and the experiences that shake up your perspectives. Be more concerned with living a life that speaks to you, rather than with living a life that looks good on paper. A good life is a life that you are happy to wake up to…a life that excites you and fulfills you…a life that lets you truly live. This life looks different for everyone. Your life is not your resume, your job description, or your Facebook profile. Your life is WHO you are – not who you appear to be.
8.
Live in the now.
If you are always racing to the finish line of everything you do, you will lose all of the little miracles and tiny blessings that happen along the way. The moment is all we are aware of – the past has happened, and the future is still in the distance. Waiting for happiness in the future only leaves you unhappy and discouraged, as you will be missing all that is happening right in front of you.
And what is happening right now is life. The future is uncertain and the past is over, but the now is here. So stop dwelling on the past, or thinking about what’s to come, and be right here. Right now.
9. There is no one definition of success.
Life is not a race or a competition to reaching a societal goal that predetermines success. Stop rushing through life to reach set timeline goals that you think you “should” accomplish at a certain age. Success is not about how quickly you get your college degree, or how quickly you buy your first house. It’s not about the age you are when you get married, or when you have your first child (or your second…or your third). Success is different for everyone. What makes you feel good is not the same as what makes your best friend feel good.
Success and life milestones are simply social constructions that often lead to people feeling as though they are not enough, or not successful enough. But isn’t true. Simply by being you and living a life surrounding your values you will reach your own success, and this success is being at peace with your mind and body. So stop worrying – let things happen as they happen. Don’t pressure yourself into trying to follow a step by step manual to life.
10. You are never a burden.
You are never a burden. No matter what you go through in life, no matter what you feel is pulling you down. It’s okay. Just keep going. You are unique and beautiful. You are strong and resilient. You have something that no one else has to contribute to this big blue and green earth – you have your own miraculous identity, your own touch of genius, and your own way of sharing compassion and love.
11. Your life is exactly that: YOUR life.
You have the power to live this life however you would like. You never, ever have to follow the crowd. Spend your time doing what makes you happy and share it with the world. Never rate yourself on societal standards, or sink into despair when something goes wrong. Never judge yourself based on who someone else wants to be. Follow your own heart and mind, love a lot, and live your life exactly how you please.
Posted by Beauty76 using “WordPress” for Android.
The medics quickly went to work,
while three police officers tried to pull me aside, they were asking “What happened to him?“, at the exact moment I saw a paramedic cut my carefully applied bandanna from his arm. I screamed “NO!” and tore myself away from the now impatient officers
“Put it back on!!! He will bleed to death!” I stated, with as much force and authority that I could muster at that moment. Now I was sobbing. I knew that if they did not take action right then, Mike would die. He had lost almost half of the blood in his body.
He would die on my kitchen floor. No way. This death escape of his was not going to work. Not today.
Suddenly my breath, which I hadn’t even realized I was holding, whooshed out of me. The medic inflated a blood pressure cuff on his arm, and the river of blood slowed to a trickle. It was then I remembered the officer’s question.
My mind flashed back to recall my mad dash for the phone, I replayed the firm instructions he had said to me, “Tell them I fell off a ladder while I was changing a light bulb.” I remember thinking, he is not making any sense, I mean, changing a light bulb? Really? . Needless to say, I told the truth, hoping that they would not only help him, but maybe they could do so while detaining him elsewhere, so I could stop living in fear. That is, if he lives…
What if next time he cuts me? He had threatened to on several occasions. I clearly remember him forcefully grabbing and then holding onto my arm, while he lightly dragged the blade across my skin. I remember the teardrop of blood that formed, then ran down my arm. This memory sent a shiver down my spine.
EMS had him loaded up on the stretcher. He was unconscious. No one could lose that much blood and remain conscious, that in of itself would have been a miracle. The medics told me that if he survived the ride to the ER, it would be a miracle. I had certainly heard that word tossed around a lot, so I prayed for one..
I was informed that I could not ride in the ambulance. They also advised me that I was in no condition to drive myself either; so I called the only friend I had left, Jody.
The ambulance and police sped off, lights and sirens blaring, cutting into the night, fearlessly, like Mike had cut his arm. I turned on my heel, my eyes sweeping across the room, surveying the damage. Damage? That was an understatement if I had ever heard one.
Standing in the doorway, my gaze traveled from left to right. There was a bloody hand print that began on the kitchen wall, and continued through my den all the way to the front door. A long, red, dripping, smear. I walked further into the kitchen and immediately flashed back to that blood scene in the movie Carrie. Had I had buckets of pig blood, I could not have done a better job.
From my new perspective of the damage, I could not believe that anyone could survive after losing that much blood. It would take hours to clean this much blood up, and I knew without looking, that my favorite goose down comforter would have to be thrown away. Much like my once-loving relationship had been. There is no going back. Something like this can not be undone.
Jody pulled up then. His tires screeched from the sudden stop. He leaped out of his truck and pulled me in for a bear hug. I, once again found myself shaking from head to toe. This time, not from fear, but relief. His strong arms felt like a shield around me. Nothing bad could happen to me here, I felt safe.
We were silent during the ride; each lost in our own thoughts.
Please don’t be dead. please don’t be dead. Please, Please…
Upon arrival at the ER, I ran to the trauma bay, bypassing the desk altogether. I had to know. He was alive, and conscious. The nurse in the room told me he was about to be taken into surgery. They had to repair his self-inflicted damage. My gaze wandered, there were bags of blood with tubes running into his other arm, replacing what he had inconsiderately left all over my bed and kitchen floor.
Before I knew it they were whisking him away to surgery. He would be fine, physically.
*If I had known then what I know now- I would have turned around and walked out. Not just out of the hospital, but out of his life. Forever. But I didn’t. I allowed his suicide manipulation to do exactly as he had intended it to do. I stayed. I nursed him back to health. It took over 100 staples and stitches to repair his arm. And the scar is huge. He tells people he was in a car accident. Yeah right, car accident my ass. This is not the last post you will read about Mike and me. He was the best and the worst of more than 10 years of my life. He is my one regret. 
